I Am the Ruler of the Common Cold – and I Can Tell You How to Avoid One

Around this period the previous year, I found myself filming a television show alongside three vocalists. Present were a rapper of Ghanaian heritage, a major pop celebrity, and a famous mezzo-soprano. We were in the heart of winter. Just the night prior, I’d been at an old friend’s 60th birthday, packed into a local bar's party area in a Surrey location. The festivities were fun, but now, to break the silence, I questioned how one could prevent getting a cold with many partygoers were contributing to a chorus of sniffles and coughs. By the way, why do certain individuals blow their noses so loudly, and some do not? A topic for future discussion.

The Response of the Three Performers

Upon referencing the party, these three musicians in the waiting area responded in two ways. First, they edged away from me. Next, they started a passionate debate regarding ways to stay cold-free which naturally enough given their line of work was something of an obsession for them. I get that, but I'm also deeply invested – I must avoid colds at all costs since my colds are more severe than others'. I lack official documentation, but I know it to be true. My symptoms persist. I experience worse nasal blockage, I have a more irritated throat, my coughs are harsher, more persistent and seem infinite. Those at home, alert to the initial throat noises which herald the coming storm, sometimes banish me or clear the room themselves. During my time hosting football on TV, the unfortunate crew in the control room became familiar with the indicators. “Earpieces out!” the director would shout to everyone before I deafened them all, overloading their audio gear.

Handling Blocked Noses

Regarding my nasal issues, don’t start me. Sprays, drops, including the intense vapor from heated brandy my mum prescribes … they all work for a while before giving up. It's hard to find something more pathetic than a Brummie tone spoken without the benefit of air passing through the nostrils. That is, it's somewhat nasal on a good day. At least this elicits sympathy, which isn’t always a good thing. In my first year away at university, without my mother's home remedies, the cleaner in our halls of residence felt sorry for me. “I know exactly what you need, you poor thing. I’ll be back in a minute.” She was extremely kind, with a strong Irish accent, and adamant that I consume the peeled, raw onion she presented to me. She stood and watched me do so. Kind soul. Didn’t achieve anything, I’m afraid, apart from sending my guts into raptures and creating bad breath.

The Vocalist’s Cold Avoidance Regime

Thus, I loathe winter illnesses and am convinced prevention beats cure that onion-based or otherwise, don’t work. I listened intently alongside my colleagues while she explained her health practices. With seasonal gigs on the schedule, she approached it with great diligence. She commanded us to apply hand sanitiser on the hour, every hour throughout the winter from what I gathered plus, specific measures were necessary when it came to parties and what not. Before any event, she advised several sprays of a nasal spray through the nasal passages – even if healthy. Intense. I appreciated it. And, get this, she required a repeat application post-event with more spray of the same stuff.

My Experience

I followed suit. And I have to say I snuffled not once all last winter. There were downsides: the numerous products I purchased, lost, repurchased, located, and more. Plus the frustrating time finding you've squashed the gel bottle kept in your jeans and it's leaking all over. Still, a small cost for the benefit. With winter returning, I'm stocked up with the singer's suggested supplies. I'm set for the fight.